An attempt to describe what i feel when i close me eyes:

It takes so much [x] of being not to cry that there remains not much [x] to do anything else, really.

You can replace the word ‘cry’ with any of the following: collapse, disperse, cease, see.

Solve for [x]?

To cry: a direction? a dedication?

[x] isn’t a thing but a perspective.

I am the one who closes my eyes but I am also the one whose eyes are closed and so cannot see who closes my eyes, the one whose eyes are not closed, but close, too close.

Perspective: as one who is seen I nevertheless glimpse in my blindness the one who sees me.

Glimpse: as one turns one head thinking, some one is looking at me, am I being followed.

Glimpse: as one’s shadow overtakes one when turning a corner, or walking beneath a streetlamp, or brushing against an angel.

To be seen. To be being seen. To be being being seen &c. Each one so entirely seen so as to be nothing but seen and being seen and being being seen &c.

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