It takes so much [x] of being not to cry that there remains not much [x] to do anything else, really.
You can replace the word ‘cry’ with any of the following: collapse, disperse, cease, see.
Solve for [x]?
To cry: a direction? a dedication?
[x] isn’t a thing but a perspective.
I am the one who closes my eyes but I am also the one whose eyes are closed and so cannot see who closes my eyes, the one whose eyes are not closed, but close, too close.
Perspective: as one who is seen I nevertheless glimpse in my blindness the one who sees me.
Glimpse: as one turns one head thinking, some one is looking at me, am I being followed.
Glimpse: as one’s shadow overtakes one when turning a corner, or walking beneath a streetlamp, or brushing against an angel.
To be seen. To be being seen. To be being being seen &c. Each one so entirely seen so as to be nothing but seen and being seen and being being seen &c.